Searching4Satiety

Ahh! Life is weird, man. To think back to where I was a year ago compared to where I am now is legit mind boggling- even just 6 months ago- I feel like a completely new person. Every day is not magic rainbows and butterflies, but I can say that my experiences in my recent past have full heartedly been real and adventurous and vulnerable and honestly really fucking amazing.

I’ve been through the ringer, guys. I have experienced things I didn’t dream of and that cut me deep- wounds that bleed into my thoughts and precautions, yet wounds that I am unwaveringly thankful for. But DAMN have I learned and grown. Situations that I was consumingly afraid to face made me so much stronger and so much more ME than I could have ever became without them. I have lived in unfamiliarity and uncertainty and I am practically drowning in gratitude for my hardships because they showed me how to THRIVE in the light at the end of the tunnel.

The things that weren’t made for me made room for the things that are.

And timing is a WEIRD effing thing, huh? Life unfolds perfectly- not on our preferred schedules but on the schedules we need. The lessons we need to learn don’t wait for when we are ready to learn them. And honestly THANK GOODNESS for that because I absolutely 1000000000% would not be the person I am today if I wasn’t legitimately pushed into growth.

This last year alone I have lived in 4 states- how crazy is that?! For someone who thought they craved stability, that is a shocking sentence to read. I have gotten rid of damn near everything I have ever owned. My prized possessions- my wall decorations- my knick knacks- the bulk of my closet- literally EVERYTHING I possibly and logically could in an effort to live the minimalistic life that I had always admired but had never experienced. I have rented rooms and made unlikely friends and relied on my mom more than I am accustomed to- I’ve experienced my independence and anxiety and pride like I never have before. I experienced ME with no distractions or sacrifices for the first time.. ever. It hasn’t been perfect, of course, but it’s been damn enlightening and I literally would not change a split second of this journey. I am becoming someone I have never actually been but someone who I always knew I was inside and I feel incredibly enlightened!

Through this journey I have met people that mingle with my soul on a crazy level- people that I don’t have to try with. A romantic partner was LITERALLY the furthest thing from my desires, yet I met a man who slowwwwwwly but surely has opened me up to that perspective. This man has stayed by me for months supporting me day in and day out, truly made me want to be better, made me actually think, and has legit been my biggest cheerleader on every random call I make- all this from a COUNTRY away. This person has made an extreme effort with me- been the epitome of what a good person is, he actually exudes kindness- like, you talk to him and feel better because of it, and has positively influenced me an incredible and indescribable amount. Anyone who has met him is better because of that, and I can full heartedly, not holding back for even a second, say that with confidence. No matter the future- I will always hold him in the highest regard. Everyone could stand to be a bit more like Rob and I am so so soooooooooooo thankful that I just so happened to meet him on a whim in a stupid little bar in California.

Anyways this is all long and random and I haven’t written for a while but I wanted to sort of get my words out, if you will, and let you all know that I’m living this crazy new life and experiencing all these new things and everyday is NOT perfect and I’m broke as shit right now because I haven’t worked in over a month and I legit live off of ramen and pb&j but like shit, I’m actually really happy. I’m in a place where I want to be, I have a really incredible family (who is probably cringing every time I say a cuss word here.. sorry mom), a truly loyal friend group who I can count on for actually anything, a man who I think is the nicest person on this planet besides Cody but even maybe the same level as Cody which is seriously the HIGHEST LEVEL EVER on earth, and not an ounce of doubt in my mind that I am exactly where I need to be. I am so grateful for the hardships because I wouldn’t have understood how special these things would feel without them.

I’m 26 and I have nothing in this world figured out, but I am actually figuring out ME and I feel so soooooooooooooo okay with that.

All in all, happy Saturday y’all! Be a Rob or a Cody today and make someone happy. You all are worthy and cool and rad, make today count.

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